Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
