Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
