OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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