white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
