Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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