I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
