i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
