Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
