he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
