I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
FUCK WHALES
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
