You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There's even glitter on my cock...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
