Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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