I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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