the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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