Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
