We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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