and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
