she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
