I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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