Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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