I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
