fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
