im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
