Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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