And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
