i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
