Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
