the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
