is your mom at the bar?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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