I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
