Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
