she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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