I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
