Already got asked if we're dating
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
