we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
