My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a hot homeless man
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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