wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
