This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
