just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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