the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
