My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
