ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
