I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
