I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
