after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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