My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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