you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
