I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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