The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sober January is a disaster.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
