sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
