If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
