sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
