Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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