Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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